A LONG, LONG TIME AGO...
... in a far away kingdom lived a princess who dreamed of shining on a big stage. So she decided to pack her bags and moved to Japan, to fight for her dreams to become reality.
And they did.
Little by little.
WATCH THE FULL LIVE HERE
Though my teachers were really strict and I had to get over a lot of my insecurities (including singing live), I learned to pull through and found a lot of joy in singing and dancing again. When I finally got the date for my performance I cried. I didn't feel like I was ready at first and got sick just a few days before I went on stage, because I really overdid it.
Live is full of hardships, and the past three months I spent training I got over a lot of them.
I used to be this shy girl who could barely talk to people, and all of a sudden I could go on stage, sing and dance and yell along with the crowd at the livehouse. I have to admit, I was a little nervous, still.
JUST THE BEGINNING
I feel at home at my new agency which is probably due to the fact that I am spending more time with my managers than my friends. Which - for Japan standards - seems to be normal.
And I am looking forward to my upcoming projects, which will once again be difficult to achieve.
I would have never thought I'd even make it to Japan, leaving my friends and parents and university plans behind. And even though I was often worried that I could be on the wrong way regarding my life, I don't regret anything.
MESSAGE TO MY OLD ME
I often hear people discuss what their biggest wish is. Mine would be to talk to my past self, and tell the younger me that it will get better. I was often told I had no musical talent or that my dreams were a waste of time. And for a very long time I believed what I was told. So for a long while I didn't want to talk about my future plans with my teachers or friends, keeping all my feelings to myself and only practising in secret. Later I met many foreign performers who were reaching out to careers in Japan, and I never felt like I would be able to do it. But it DID get better. The more I tried the more confident I grew.
I wish I could go to a point in my school life, stop the old me and sit her down for a talk.
There is nothing in this world that matters more than what you can dream of.
If you can imagine it, you are already half-way there!
Of course I am typing this in the high of joy after a performance, where I am my best.
I couldn't stop smiling since I got off stage today, and I doubt I will ever look back at this day in regret.
When I left school four years ago, I told myself I wanted to live my life without regret. And so I did.
Of course I regret small things: Eating a bag of potato chips at midnight or going out without an umbrella, but that's about it. I try to live my life to the fullest and never look back on any moment to feel bad about it. Besides, I don't even have time for that. - And neither do you.
If there is anything I can send out to my younger readers, it'd be to always enjoy whatever you are into. You can overdo it. Enjoy a full day of swimming in a pool. Enjoy dancing until you run out of breath. Enjoy a night of karaoke, without caring too much about tune or rhythm. If it makes you happy, it is worth wile.
THE FEAR OF SINGING
As I mentioned I used to be absolutely terrified of singing. It was one of my biggest fears overall to stand on stage and not a single tune would leave my mouth. And exactly that happened. Many times. Through school, choir, drama college, on stage in London, on stage in Tokyo.
I remember having a conversation with a friend in London, who told me about how he tried to sing live for a while but gave up, because he didn't feel like he'd improve at all.
A few days after that conversation I squeaked "World is Mine" horribly wrong at Hyper Japan. Do I regret trying? - Not the slightest.
It was probably embarassing for me back then, and it still is now, but it doesn't stop me from trying.
One day I'll get it right.
THERE'S NO 'WRONG'
A lot of the time I'd slap myself in the face over messing up a tune or a step and I probably still do every now and then. But time showed me that beyond all this trial and error - everything or nothing - it's not about being perfect from head to toe on every move and every breath. It's the way there.
I know this must sound so incredibly sappy, but it's true. And many people will tell you the same thing.
Through the past months I had a total of two singing lessons. Though I improved vastly. Why? - I stopped trying to make it about me. You'd think that having two managers and being the only talent in my agency would make me diva out, but I try not to do that. Yes, it feels somewhat special, but it's not about me. It's not about how many people come to watch me and it's not about being perfect.
Coming from a perfectionist, this sounds odd, but: It's about the team.
When I go on stage, I am not nervous because I stand in front of people, it's the ones behind me I want to make proud. My managers, my teachers, my choreographers, the people on the sound board. The event management. Only after them there are customers and at the very bottom me.
And this is how I made it enjoyable to be on stage again.
NEVER GIVE UP
As simple and as worn out as this phrase is, "Never give up" is what pulled me through.
And it keeps keeping me going. Through new challenges, through bleeding toes and missed lines. My dance teacher told me exactly that on my first lesson day. And I used to hate her for that. By now I want to thank her.
It was what made me improve the most.
Not just in terms of dancing, but also personality wise.
I used to not be the greatest fan of Japans working mentality - I got tons of posts and videos stating that - but it is more to it than just working beyond your limits every day.
It's doing exactly that - but all day. Every day.
As long as you're breathing
Thank you for your support, please look forward to my upcoming activities!